the other day I was sitting in the balcony with my amazing cousin, and we both were reflecting over where we are in life, and it came to me very sudden that right now im so happy. happier then ever actually. not just with things that are happening this year like going to israel, and going to stockholm, and seeing beyonce and bla bla. but happy with right now. happy with having two fantasic jobs where I feel I develop myself and my empathy for people. happy with the ordinary day where chilling at home is fun. happy with where I live and that I get to spend time with some of the most inspiring humans. happy with the friends im surrounded with (although we dont live in the same city and it takes some planning to see them! but im more than happy too!) and very happy with my family and to see how much they've grown in only a few years. im super proud actually. if this is life. then im sorted. 

 

never regret your past. never fear the future. beacuse both of them are unchangeble. we are here and now. 

so just love whatever comes at you. <3

so I guess... the outro is coming. the india outro. the asia outro. the journeys outro. or probably the journeys intro actually. because that is what I feel. that this is the beginning of something so wonderful. there was never an end to it. only a beginning. a beginning to everything. a beginning to something absolutely amazing one cant miss out on. and I'm gonna be there. for sure. forever.

 

this is gonna be the last update concerning my travels. but I feel like I need something concrete to end it. a final thought. a thought more about the journey I made inside rather than outside. which is even harder to explain. but today, on my birthday I felt it again. that feeling I felt for the first time walking down the streets of Delhi with all the chaos everywhere outside my body, rather than inside my soul. and that feeling that kept coming back to me several times during the 4 months I was away. its gonna sound like the weirdest thing ever and take it as you will, but imagine walking down a street where all you see is dirt, proverty, dying animals and begging children in the most hectic and busy city life you'll ever imagine. people screaming and honking and cows walking across the street whilst almost being killed by 10 cars and tuk-tuks every 5 seconds. and all you feel is love. everything that is moving around you is living, breathing and only wishing to survive. the only thing that connect us all right here, right now, is our beating heart. and breathing lungs. and the love I felt, and feel, for the people around me, on that street, and in that cafe today is all you need. it is all you need to survive. then nothing, what so ever, will be more important. 

 

and I will never do anything that doesn't benefit my mental health ever again.

and I will do everything that comes to my mind and that I feel strongly about. 

and no one will ever tell me whats right or wrong and how or why. 

 

here's for earth. here's for people. here's for plants and animals and every living being. we are one. so love eachother and all our faults. and thank you for all the love today, you are all amazing <3

  

Gonna start this one with a quote from a book I've just read, The monk who sold his Ferrari. It just fits with the post I guess! 

"One of the most tragic things that any one of us can do is to put off living!"

Of course there's faults here as well, but the idea of this village, Auroville, is something we should strive for in the real world. And it's been working for almost 50 years so there's definitely something they're doing right! 

So I'm gonna wright down some New Years Resolutions! Apparently these are some of the most common ones; 

• Loose weight and get fit 

• Eat healthier and diet 

• Be less stressed 

And yeah, I recognize that very well.. Literally me 2014-2015.. So this year it's a change. I'm telling you. It's all in the mind. 

• Taking further steps towards being totally happy with who I am and not what the world wants me to be. 

• Make small changes in daily life, be aware of my actions and make sure my choices supports everything I believe in and stand for. Example; Try as hard as possible to not eat any animal products, and when I actually really need to buy something materialistic, buy second hand. 

• Connect and breathe. Take in everything I see, hear, smell, touch or taste and make sure I'm living. 

So yeah... If there's one thing I want you to take away from this tedious and long post, its one of the things I've learn here in India. 

When you feel unbalanced and you think life is not treating you, listen to your breath and connect. 

Lots of love,

Victor ❤️

 

Every day I'm learning new things about myself I never knew! It's incredible. Absolutely incredible. There's so many people I miss and there's so many people I want to hug and say I love you, but I think they know. Deep down they know. Friends and family all over the world. 

From now on I am actually by myself. And tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Cambodia! So there we go. 

I want to send out thousands of hugs and I want you all to show each other love! You're beautiful creatures. Remember that ❤️ 

And so far this is why I love India. I already feel like I've been to several different countries with different cultures , foods and beliefs. It's amazing actually . But then again it's a huge country so it's not strange at all really, if you think about it. Just amazing! 

Then we met up with another guy we met here called Joe, and he showed us a very nice little sweet spot a few km away from the town where we could go down to Ganges and have a swim in the water whilst it's still 'clean'. It's gonna be so different when we arrive in Varanasi where they throw burnt people and ashes in the holy river, so we took our chance to cleanse ourselves with the holy water here. 

So far I could not ask for more India. It's such a treat. And tonight we're leaving on a 16 hours train to Varanasi!! Super excited to get to the most holy city in the world, I believe they say. 

Lots of love, 

Victor ❤️

I've been here for about 5 days and I do not know where or what to start with.... Hahah, I feel like whatever I write it is gonna be just a tiny white piece of a huge colorful puzzle. But I'll try... 

The first day I took it fairly easy just trying to melt what happened the night before and trying to adjust to the heat. So I spent some time in their flat with Bikram and had some nice chats. Took a walk in the neighborhood and in the evening we all went for a flying yoga/stretching class at their gym! Very nice! 

The second day I tried to concur Delhi a bit by myself, easing into all the people and the tempo. If you think London has a tempo.... Visit Delhi. Hahah.. But it all went well and I got to see some beautiful places.

On the 2nd of October they celebrate  Gandhis birthday and they told me they were taking the car and going up to Panchkula, where Bikrams parents live, over the long weekend and asked me to come! So we drove up in the evening of the 1st Oct and I think it took more than 2 hours just to get out of Delhi... Hahah, the traffic was crazy because everyone was obviously traveling the day before the holiday and I think we arrived around 3am in the morning. 

Had the best weekend there with crazy amount of food. And I mean crazy amount... Road tripping up the mountains and staying over. Road tripping down the mountains. Card games like Skitgubbe and Finns i sjön! Food. Sweets. Food. Drinks. Yeah, 

Today they're going down to Delhi again and I decided to continue my journey north/west to Amritsar. I doubt I could have a better first weekend here. It's been everything above amazing. Of course it's a huge applause to Charchit and Bikram who let me in with open arms like a family member and helped me out with my phone and just teaching me the basics of the Indian ways. Couldn't thank them more! 

And YES India is crazy for sure. And YES India is terrifying to say the least. And YES India is so different in the best ways you could ever imagine and I can't wait to explore it! 

sorry for all the swedishness. im gonna try to keep this blog updated whilst im away, when I get WiFi, so bare with me. here we go! 

 

 

okey, so, this is you. go!... no, sorry.... 

 

 

 

the last few days I've been dealing with a funny question. Who are you? or even, What are you? the first answer that pops into mind would be;

 

I am a 23 year old white man who quite often beat myself down. for whatever reason. and therefore cry farily more often than what a white man shoud be. you know we white men have a cryjar, right? not more than 10 tears a year. anyways....im telling myself, you're too roundfaced, you have big legs, you only care about yourself, you etc etc. 

 

the second answer would consist of my sexuality, (because this still seams to be a big thing in sweden 2015) and sound something like this;

 

I am a 23 year old white man who happens to not care about whether I fall in love with someone of the opposite or the same sex. I tend to go with the energy. the aura. you know. WELL YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PEORSONALITY!!!...... WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SO YOU'RE LIKE GAY AND STRAIGHT? 

 

1. Why am I suppose to fall in love with the personality? Because you say so? ok. great. I'll do that then. (Go with the norm. easy)

 

2. HOW am I suppose to fall in love with the personality? Explian to me how its possible to fall in love within 10 minutes if you fall in love with the personality. becasue it defintiely takes me longer than 10 minutes to get to know a person and I can still feel this tickeling feeling after only 10 minutes. so. no, I go with the energy. 

 

1. yeees, im like the super human that can love everything in my surrondings compaired to your narrow minded soul.

 

2. I don't call myself either gay or straight. I call myself Victor. have a think about that. 

 

but then the third answer creep up my bones and says;

 

what is a white man? what is sexuality? even, what is personality?..... who decided that....

is this how you define yourself? by what the World wants you to say? so people can put you in a box that says. WHITE! or MAN! or FAT! or CARELESS! or GAY! 

 

you cant define yourself by your sexuality. you cant define yourself of which colored skin you have. you cant define youself with norms, expectations or labes which people are so good to throw on eachother. just to make it simpler in their minds. 

 

the only thing you can truly define yourself with is am. not you, not I, nor we or she. 

 

again, am. 

 

so, what defines am? actions. okey, example. 

 

"Hey lets go to Primark and buy some new cheap shirts so we can go out clubbing tonight!"

 

1. Why? (This is a fucking big why) the society. I highly doubt that you need another shirt for tonights feast. just take a look in your wardrobe and choose one of your 100 other items you can wear. so WHY are people then going to Primark for new clothes....? Whats. the. deal? SOCIETY. media. power. money. are we actually making our own choices or is someone else making the choices for us? JUST LIKE HOW TO DEFINE YOURSELF..... are you making your choice or is someone else making the choice for you? 

 

funny question right. 

 

I am gay or I am Victor. you have the power. 

 

2. I'm NOT promoting Primark what so ever. Its just a great example of how people get fooled to think that cheap is good and stuff is good and the more cheap stuff you have the happier you are! of course! and then Pirmark happens to be the worst store ever to buy your clothes from if you ever think about human rights just a tiny tiny bit. 

 

come on. break the lables. break the higher power. break the walls. dont be fooled. 

 

so actions. i would say so yes. my actions defines am. i choose to eat vegetarian. i choose to cut out on my dairy products. i choose to not buy clothes at primark. i choose secondhand. i choose to not label myself as gay or straight. i choose to say i am. 

 

 

lets go again,

 

 

 

 

 

 

of all the dreams the dream about you is better and so much stronger. and im so sad because I know. I know our futures plan. and im doing everything I can. and I hate that sia knows exactly how my emotions and my heart works. she is perfect.    

 

when all you feel is guilt. 

and knowing that falling for Love is stronger than the thought of touch. 

not in love but for love. 

and the expectations rise as the truth comes at you. like a falling wall with only one brick standing. 

I say "I love you", because all you need is love.

you say "fine". 

just live. for once. 

when the days were warm and the sky was blue. we sat in the grass and longed for the love we used to have. and when so many times before we told each other, that whatever happened we're one. behind the shadows of the walls we kissed. but still too late.

 

the only thing in life is running away like it's never seen darkness. to feel your feet on the ground is to except that you live. and with only dust in our hands you can imagine the world you could have. 

a lonely soul will always stray from the things you call life. but it will be stronger than love. always. 

 

to feel the feet on the ground is to live.